The Darkness I Ride Through and The Shadows That Follow Me (Part II)

This is Part II of a two-part post exploring how and why riding a bicycle and doing inherently difficult things makes you mentally stronger and highlights the struggle that we endure as cyclists. Part I examines the mental struggle that we endure as cyclist and how that mental endurance gives us an edge in our worldly affairs.

CLICK HERE to read Part I of this two-part series.

People, especially in work environments, aren't cut out for challenges. They aren't cut out for standing up for what's right. Why? They've never had to persevere through the dark time on a bicycle like I have, like we have. You can insert a lot of things really to replace the word bicycle, but make sure you don't replace it with your 30-minute gym session after work. 30-minute gym sessions don't get to the point. The point is that a lot of (most of) our resiliency comes from us riding through the darkness, getting absolutely shattered and broken only to have to pedal further, to finish. Endurance sports are just that: endurance. It isn't easy and it never comes easy.

Training requires time, the ride itself requires time. Why do I not play golf anymore? Time. What do I choose to do instead? Suffer. Why do I choose to suffer? To be made stronger. Endurance is about forging something completely different. You put raw materials into a massive heat source and something completely different comes out. I call that thing character, others call it stupidity, but guess what? I'm not the one who folds under pressure. Your manager does, your co-worker does, your friends do when they're pressured into something they don't want to do, and your colleagues fold when the slightest inconvenience gets in their way. Am I an expert in mental toughness? By no means, but do your research, experiment yourself, and see what doing something hard does for you. It changes you.

I think Michael Easter nails what it is to do hard things in his book The Comfort Crisis. I won't even begin to paraphrase what Easter talks about in the book-- read it yourself--but it's an eye-opening journey into doing something hard and the things that we've given up as a civilization to make our lives easier. Don't get me wrong. I like living in a house with air conditioning, having a comfortable bed, having physical things that make me happy, and having a wife and a dog and one of the two cats, but stepping out of the comfortable into the uncomfortable takes some courage and takes a degree of character. Why do I work out in the 100-degree summer afternoons? It makes me mentally stronger (and there are physiological benefits too). Easter talks about Misogi, a Japanese practice intended to cleanse your mind and body, where traditionally participants use water to "cleanse" their body. By way of an ice bath, waterfall, or other means of water, you're cleansed spiritually and physically by the act, and it's not intended to be comfortable in any way--quite the opposite. Easter's take on Misogi is more physical and equally taxing--do 1,000 pushups, do a Murph, or ruck for 20 miles. Set out to do something that you know will put you at and past your limit, and do it! Misogi can mean almost anything to anyone, but the point is that it's supposed to be hard, and you're probably going to break, and you're probably going to want to quit, and you probably will quit, until you don't quit and you endure.

I've never done a Misogi, certainly not in the sense that I understand it, but riding a bike through 100 miles of Oklahoma gravel sure felt like a Misogi to me. It pushed me to my limits, broke me, healed me, and in the end, I was forged into something different. Misogi is supposed to be intentional, not accidental. You set your mind to it, then you do it. But most folks won't do a Misogi, or a marathon, or a century ride, or an ultra-[insert endurance sport here]. No, they'll think about doing those things, dream about them, and maybe even get the gear to do it, but in the end, that's where their minds stop and this is why they can't continue: because they never started.

If you've made it this far, congratulations, you've won nothing but you probably are wondering what the point is to all of this. I'm not sure there is one. If you're looking for some genuine words of encouragement or a reason for a Misogi or a reason to start riding a bike, running a marathon, or doing 1,000 pushups, I'm not sure any of that is here for you. I wouldn't recommend doing any of those things--they're hard. But that's why I do them. Because they're hard. I suppose what you can learn from all of this is that we're all just walking through this darkness on our own, and everyone has something they're carrying around with them and everyone has shadows that follow them from place to place even if the darkness isn't visible. The darkness is always with you, but what you may not realize is that you're equipped to handle it--we all are, but it takes something different to overcome the darkness. So the next time your coworker or boss or member of leadership loses their shit and can't handle their workplace, they've probably got some darkness they're walking through. But just know, that they also have control over their mind, and that mind can be trained, but training requires effort, precision, and commitment.

This brings me to one final point about mental fortitude and leadership, and that’s culture.  I’ve noticed some things in my professional life, and it’s that culture starts with mentality and mentality starts with attitude.  So if you really want to boil down what it is to be mentally strong in your work life, athletic endeavors, or home life, you can pinpoint attitude as the main gateway to get there.  Think about your work culture.  Does it suck?  Does it not suck as bad?  Is it completely awesome?  No matter your answer, the next question should be, “Where does culture come from?”  Leadership! No. The people in the organization! No. 

Culture can be traced to mindset and it comes from attitude.  Attitude dictates mindset and mindset dictates attitude—these things are yin and yang.  They work together to be cohesive but operate independently.  Culture starts with attitude and having the right attitude to have the mentality to create a culture.  Look at what Bobby Wintle has built in Stillwater with The Mid South.  Look at Bobby’s attitude.  Does he convey negativity, is he anti-supportive, does he align himself with your goals?  What makes Bobby different from your boss?  What makes his mentality different than your company’s organizational culture?  These are questions to ask yourself the next time you evaluate your workplace or your organization, and if you’re the boss, evaluate yourself very harshly.  Do you stand up for what you believe or are you soft?  Leadership is about empowering the people you work with and giving them every opportunity to succeed. Even if you aren't in a position of "leadership", you owe it to your fellow humans and human colleagues to empower them and encourage them forward.  If you give them every opportunity to succeed and have exhausted your resources and your employees still can’t complete the goals set before them, then maybe those people aren't good organizational fits.  That’s ok, move on.  Fire fast, hire slow.   

Leadership is about empowering the people you work with and giving them every opportunity to succeed.

My mentality and attitude are strengthened by the bike and by doing hard things.  Being defeated and shattered at the end of a ride is what forges a new path forward for me every time.  It sucks in the moment and it hurts when you’re there, but it’s so rewarding to know that I’ve made myself a better person for doing it.  The bike makes me better.  Don’t take my word for it, ask someone who also endures who also struggles.  I think you’ll find a common theme.  And this isn’t to say that endurance sports is a one-trick pony for healing all of your problems and fixing your psyche, it’s not.  It is an avenue to challenge yourself, exceed your expectations, and grow into something that makes you stronger, faster, and more iron-clad.   

The next time you’re faced with difficulty or a challenge, ask yourself a few questions.  1) Is this really difficult, is this really a challenge or are these inconveniences at the moment?  2) If you determine that what you’re experiencing really is difficult and really is a challenge, then how are you choosing to respond to it? 3) Is there something that you've experienced in your life that is more difficult than this moment right here?   

It’s not exactly as easy as 3 questions to save your life in a moment, but it’s a harbinger of where your mind is.  It’s an exercise that I use sometimes when I’m stressed or under the gun in my life.  I’ll be the first to admit that I get lost in the situation sometimes and fail to even address what’s real, but that’s the point of the exercise—identify what precisely is real.  Reality is a tough thing to grasp, but once you find it, once you lay hands on it, it becomes tangible.   

When you find yourself in a dark place, just know that even if you’re in a room with few windows and the lights are turned off, you at least know you’re in a room and you at least know there are windows which means there’s at least a chance you can get outside of the room.  And remember also, when your co-worker or your boss or your best friend is having a hard time or they’re upset or they’re mad at you, they’re probably just walking through their darkness too.  Don’t be so heavy-handed to lay down judgment on others who are struggling just as mightily as you are and as you have.  Instead, remember your darkest moments and remember how you overcame them because that’s likely the key to getting you through the next one and the one after that, and it may very well be the key to getting someone else through their darkness.  Have some compassion for folks who are wandering through the dark hallways of their minds and see little more than a glimpse of light.  If they still see some light, they’re fighting to get through it.  Remember, it’s not about you but it’s always about you.  It’s not about the bike, but it’s always about the bike.   

We’re all just walking through this darkness on our own.  Except we’re not, and we never are.  There’s someone there beside you, someone waiting on the other side.  Never lose sight of that, and never stop fighting for them, because, in the end, you can be the inspiration, the cultural change, and the difference.  Use whatever you have available to yourself to help someone else, and never forget that you're never alone.